Moving from Rochester NY to Charlotte NC?

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Jim

CANâT AFFORD TO FAIL

I currently live between Rochester and Syracuse NY just South of Lake Ontario. I live in the house I grew up in. I left only to serve in the Marine Corps and was stationed in CA & Hawaii. I enjoy driving the back roads to and from the established surrounding towns observing property, farms and the overall scenery. I have a wife and (3) boy ages 13, 12 & 10. On what seems to be very little income we enjoy boating in our 1976, 21' Penn Yan, tent camping, healthy eating, country living, Levis jeans and good shoes. We may go into the city as a family or just my wife and I, to shop and eat once every couple of months. I have enjoyed a Jewish Community Center gym membership which provided spa amenities after a day of work, prior to heading home to the country. The boys play baseball, basketball, soccer and the Xbox all day, if they had it their way. They're going to need jobs soon. We will soon need to replace our 1999 Chevy P/U and 2006 Ford Focus. My home and rental properties are in need of upgrades (including many others in upstate NY rural communities) which I cannot afford or find anyone to pay the rent consistently due to the demographics.

I have commuted to Rochester NY (45-60 min.'s) for 30 yrs. to work in the machining trades as a Mfg. Eng., a CNC Programmer, a CNC Machinist and a Toolmaker. In addition, I have been working on my BS at the Rochester Institute of Technology and was a full-time student from 2009 to 2011 at a less expensive community college. I am currently employed and my base salary has not changed since the late 1980's. My wife has re-entered the workforce after being unemployed for a year. She is building circuit boards for less money at the same company she worked at 13 yrs. ago and is a temporary employee, to boot.

I have considered moving and initially began seeking opportunities in the Pacific North West only to be humiliated by engineering and hiring managers who have questioned my abilities. I felt as though they wanted a specialist at a specific task rather that someone who was a competent, career orientated individual who isnât easily overwhelmed. After a few months, with hesitation due to the many comments I've heard and read, I began to focus on NC, as many NY'ers seem to have done.

It's been a couple of months now that I have been actively applying to positions in NC. The employment agencies are thrilled with my experience and are eager to send off my resume to the hiring managers. After they submit it, I hear nothing in return from either of them.

Recently a NE recruiting agency had contacted me regarding a position for a prominent company in NC which has exhausted their efforts in recruiting (60) local people. They are now looking in the North East for experienced candidates. I may be offered a position soon and will be required to begin work on June 1st, 2013. The position is about 1/2 hr. SE of Charlotte NC and would pay about 25% more or about what I make by working 55 hrs./wk if and when the OT is offered. I would be forfeiting the cash flow which my rentals create and the income tax return each year.

I'm not sure it's worth the risk.

Answer
It might be worth taking. It is a lovely area down there. You won't deal with much snow. Real estate and cost of living are a lot less. Most people are very friendly too. Take a ride there and do a little exploring.

i hate my dad, but i have to move with him, how can i tolerate being around him? (long please read)?

Lexi

I don't want anything to do with my dad! I just hate him. I get sooo pissed just being in the presence of him. He's moving with his new wife soon and i have to come live with them. I don't know how im gonna handle this bs.
Heres the full story..
Ive been pretty stressed out in my life currently.
When i was 12, i was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. My parents were the reason cause of my depression. Since my parents split in 2006, i tried to have a relationship with my mom. But nothing worked, she didn't wanna listen. I realized years later that she didn't care from the start. I didn't know at the time i was depressed inside until my dad took me to see a therapist. He signed me up for therapy cause i used to cut myself. I did it cause i was tired of my feelings being ignored by mom, and at the time my dad didn't spend much time with me anymore. I realize that he was also very depressed about the split. He would tell me his problems and talk badly about my mom. They had partial custody of me. Id see her every other week. My dad ended up getting full custody of me cause she was abusive physically and verbally. My mom didn't have any maternal instincts since i was a kid. My dad was basically like a mom and dad cause he brought me clothes and spent time with me. I still loved my mom though.
Since ive been living here with my dad the last couple of years our relationship has gotten worse. It's like we don't even have one anymore.
I remember everything just started going downhill by the time i got into high school (2011). My dad constantly would insult me, talk about me behind my back badly to his friends, wouldn't listen to my feelings and he didn't and still doesn't wanna fix our relationship.
We went to family therapy last year and he couldn't control his temper and the sessions got us nowhere. We would come home and still argue and he hates every therapist ive seen. Before we attended the sessions together he made fun of me for going there. So i stopped going :( it just hurt soo much when he says hurtful things to me.
He's been dating a woman for about 6 months and there getting married next week. He only cares for his fiance. He treats her better than ive been treated by him since i was a kid, it hurts. I feel like ive did everything i could to fix our relationship. I've talked to him millions of times, went to therapy, asked family for advise and nothing works. He's so stubborn and think everyone has a problem.
He's not there for me financially, or emotionally. I've had to get a job late last year cause he always went out to spend his money on his fiance and id have nothing to eat. Ive pretty much been on my own these last 3 years and he obviously didn't wanna raise me anymore. Hes going around saying im trying to ruin his life all cause i expressed to him my pain about this ****. I don't feel comfortable moving in with him and his fiance. They don't want me around. I don't know any other family members and i don't have any close friends to move in with.
My dad told me i can stay at our house if i can pay him rent so i agreed to it. Now he f****** says a couple days ago that he changed his mind and i have to come and live with him and his wife. My mind just went insane cause my dad and i have been debating on this for about a month and i thought he understands my pain here. I don't take this situation lightly. I've emotionally invested myself in both of my parents to get treated like crap and im done with it. We had the argument about the living arrangement a couple days ago and i just got real emotional and started crying and kept thinking thoughts of suicide. I felt like i was being stabbed in my heart and thought i want to stab him but i thought it would be better if i just killed myself. I've called the suicide hot line cause i felt like i was thinking too drastically. My mind had racing thoughts and ive been very anxious. I told my dad about myself having thoughts of suicide and he told me he won't feel guilty if i die, and he didn't do anything to make me fell this way. I think him saying that just set me off. I felt like i was going insane.The only thing that calmed me down is reading my journal and listening to music. When i think about these problems i get very anxious so i just try to keep my mind off of them. But i just can't believe my dad doesn't understand why i don't wanna live with him. I thought about going to a foster home but im gonna be 17 in 4 months and i heard its hard for teens to find a home being my age. Im gonna have to move with him but i have feelings of resentment and hate for him. I just feel like im gonna explode being around him. How can i tolerate him?

Answer
I also had anxiety around that age. When the house got stressful, I pitched a tent and camped outdoors for days on end- no one bothered me. Do you live in a state where it's still warm? or have a decent yard to that in?

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